What I love most about England

• The schools are small, not atheistic, and the students wear uniforms.
  
• I love pounds, they are fun to stack and count.
  
• The women are not all that into dressing up, except in knee-high army green wellington boots and fishing jackets.
  
• The accents are delightful (mostly).
  
• I like the trains.
  
• The tap water is always cold enough to drink.
  
• The people appreciate walking (they think that the gravel patch on the side of US roads is for walking).
  
• The people appreciate putty (although they call it "blue-tack")
  
• Everyone appreciates the color green (I’m particularly fond of National Trust green).
  
• They are better at making French bread, and even if they weren’t, one can easily go to France to get the real thing.
  
• In the summer the sun is up before you wake up til after you go to bed (it’s easier to get up, and gives you more play time).
  
• They always wear white for proper games (e.g., tennis, cricket, stool-ball)
  
• They appreciate cream in all forms (cream, whipping cream, single cream, double cream, triple cream, clotted cream, etc.)
  
• The produce is of the highest quality.
  
• They play real football rather than American football.
  
• There are no mosquitoes.
  
• People’s gardens are so lovely they can take your breath away.
  

What I hate most about England

• The back wheels on the grocery carts swivel.
  
• The dogs are all ugly.
  
• The closets are all 3 inches too shallow.
  
• The garages are 3 feet too narrow.
  
• Everyone is so pale (especially if they are from Edinburgh¹). This is particularly noticeable because everyone loves to wear black.
  
• People drive on the left but they don’t always walk on the left.
  
• They don’t have hot/cold mixing faucets.
  
• The hot and cold water faucets change orientation (not that this matters as the water is always cold).
  
• The bathrooms are not heated. The coldest thing in England is the toilet seat in the men’s restroom at the ITRI.
  
• The "pets welcome" list of restaurants is longer than the "children welcome" one.
  
• The beer, like everything else in England, is room temperature.
  
• The sausages are suitable for vegetarians (the Guiness isn’t).
  
• Only in England would they make a plunger that is too short to keep your hand out of the stool water!
  
• There are no hard flat writing surfaces in England.
  
• The roads are too narrow, and what’s worse, the majority of road work I have seen involves NARROWING the roads and putting in curbs (or "kerbs" as they would have it).
  
• You have to dial slowly!
  
• There are no book drops when the library is open.
  
• Don’t get into the water!
  
• Service people (e.g., sales people, librarians, cashiers) always have the air of someone doing you a favor which is inconvenient for them.
  
• You cannot sneak around in a British house, the floors creak and the light switches are noisy.
  
• I’M SICK OF BLOCK CAPITALS (all forms must be filled out with capitals)..
  
• They make horrible ice cream.