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Children at the Table: Some Provisional Answers to the Practical Questions

by John D. Witvliet, Professor of Worship and Director of the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship

This is an updated version of an article that appeared in Calvin Theological Seminary Forum, Spring 2007. These responses have been revised based on feedback from Forum readers. Additional comments are welcome. Please email CICWDIR@calvin.edu.

Since the synod of the CRC voted in 2006 to welcome children to the table, the most common response-amply reflected in a denomination-wide survey of pastors-has been that of question-raising. Based on discussions with a variety of leaders in Reformed denominations that welcome children to the table in various cultural contexts, this is a first attempt to draft a response to some of the most common questions. For updated responses to these questions, based on your feedback, along with responses to several related questions, visit www.calvin.edu/worship/sacraments.

How can we celebrate the Lord's Supper in a way that welcomes children?

Some thoughtful congregations in Reformed denominations that already welcome children to the table have done things like this:

•  Have the children (and adults) memorize certain texts that are spoken or sung during each Lord's Supper celebration, including the Lord's Prayer, and phrases like "Lift up your hearts. We lift them up to the Lord."

•  Adjust the Lord's Supper liturgy slightly by having a child ask, "What does this mean?"-just like in the ancient Passover celebration.

•  Prepare a children's book with the text of the "great prayer of thanksgiving" that can be both read at home and used in worship.

•  Sing at least one song at the table that is used in church school-"Jesus Loves Me" is one example very appropriate for children of all ages. And children certainly can learn "Holy, Holy, Holy" to sing during the Lord's Supper prayer.

•  Teach children a single phrase to say out loud with the whole congregation before receiving the bread and cup, phrases like "bread of heaven" and "cup of salvation."

•  Make sure that the children can see the breaking of the bread, the pouring of the cup, and gestures of welcome and hospitality at the table, and that their parents and guardians help them to do so.

•  Have children assist the pastor and elders in preparing and cleaning up the communion elements.

The goal is to make the celebration child-welcoming, without feeling the need to make it child-centered, to both accommodate children and their developmental capacities, but also to challenge them to grow. The Lord's Supper, like the Lord's Prayer, the Psalms, and the Creed, is always something we are growing into (adults, too!).

Won't having children at the table make the Lord's Supper less reverent?

It certainly doesn't have to. Children have remarkable capacity for wonder, awe, and imagination, as well as deep joy-four things that fit the Lord's Supper so very well. We should aspire to lead services in ways that help the entire congregation (re-)learn these attitudes from the children.

Still, this is a legitimate worry. So often when we think of children's participation in worship, we (wrongly) think that we have to be cute, simplistic, or entertaining to keep their attention. Any excellent elementary school teacher can testify that this is not necessary or wise.

In Reformed congregations that do welcome children to the table, at what age are they welcome?  

In many cases, children participate as soon as they attend a full worship service. Most often, these congregations will set up their education programs, including any children's worship programs, to teach the children about the entire worship service prior to this time. In some cases, congregations have children and their parents meet with an elder or pastor ahead of time. In each case, there may well be special circumstances in the life of the child, a given family, or the church itself that suggest an older age.

There is a lot of wisdom in creating a sequence of events that leads up to a child's participation at the table, involving the child, their parents or guardians, a pastor or elder, and perhaps a church school teacher or children's worship leader. Ideally, the sequence would include

•  training for the child and parents or guardians about children's participation in worship as a whole,

•  training for the child and the parents or guardians of what the Lord's Supper means, and also about the significance of their baptism and the joy of living the baptismal life,

•  times of prayer for the child, their family, and entire congregation,

•  testimonies-by the child, parents, and a pastor or elder-about the goodness of God's grace,

•  celebration to acknowledge this milestone in the young child's life.

The point of these sessions is not to create an intimidating litmus test, but rather to model the kind of intergenerational learning, prayer, testimony, and celebration that should be a natural part of congregational life. There are few better opportunities than this moment for strengthening each of these practices.

Won't liturgical forms be a barrier deadly for children's participation?

I think that the largest barriers are language that is too abstract or vague and a mode of leading that draws attention either to itself or to something other than the sacrament. These are problems in both contexts that use set forms and those that don't.  

In fact, the best forms protect us from overly abstract or vague language. When led in a warm, engaged way-with room for necessary adaptations-they can be wonderful resource. Well, a monotone reading of a very didactic form certainly isn't a very hospitable place to begin.  

Providentially, during the last generation, a tremendous amount of historically-informed and theologically-rigorous work has gone into revisions of Lord's Supper forms (see the Agenda for Synod 1994, pp. 166-191, for some examples, or go to www.crcna.org/pages/1994_supper.cfm). One of the most promising recoveries is that of the ancient pattern for the church's "Great Prayer of Thanksgiving." This prayer tells the history of God's actions (like many psalms) and uses vivid, story-like language that is well-suited for children.

There are significant theological, pastoral and educational reasons why a pastor might even adapt that Prayer of Thanksgiving each time to include references to Bible stories that children happen to be studying in their church school classes. Imagine having a prayer that blessed God for creating all people in his image, for saving Noah in the time of the flood, Daniel in the lion's den, and the Apostle Paul in prison, and then asked for that blessing to attend now to us at the table. Here, the presence of children would lead to a liturgical adaptation that helps all of us re-engage our imaginations about the very concrete ways that God works in the world.

Won't we have to teach our children about the Lord's Supper?

Yes indeed. In fact, welcoming children to table should demand of congregations more, not less intentionality in educational ministries. Significantly, many curricula (including those published by Faith Alive) already provide for teaching children about the Lord's Supper. The difference is that now teaching can focus on children's participation. Some of the best congregations in Reformed denominations that already welcome children to the table have done things like this:

•  Prepare a devotional guide for use in the homes.

•  Have a pastor visit each Sunday School class to teach the children about the Lord's Supper.

•  Offer a training session to parents how to be "worship participation coaches" for their children.

•  Look for 3-4 songs the children sing in church school that can be used at the table.

•  Involve the middle school or high school youth group in baking the bread used at the table.

•  Ask children to think up all the questions about the Lord's Supper they can and have your pastor write a short set of answers for your church's web site or newsletter.

The good news is that when congregations teach children well, a lot of adults learn too.

But will children really understand what is happening at the table?

Do any of us really understand what is happening at the table? Seriously, doesn't the presence of children at the table help us clarify our own view of ourselves as people who are still just beginning to truly understand the remarkable mystery of God's saving work in Jesus?

Further, might not children have a deeper understanding of this than many of us adults? One pastor tells how a young four-year-old would wake up on Sunday morning and say, with a kind of serious, but joyful anticipation: "It's bread of heaven day." That is a thought and emotion that could teach many adults.

Of course, none of this is an excuse for not thinking, or not doing theology, or not having a good church education program. In fact, one of the best parts of excellent teaching about the Lord's Supper is that it opens up our imaginations to perceive the profound biblical images for the table.

If we make this change, why would anyone want to make profession of faith?

Because they love Jesus and because the congregation invites them to do so as a way to celebrate God's work in their lives and to commission them for a lifetime of Christian service.  

But the question does address a key concern. Have we reduced profession of faith to be merely an entrance to the table? Have we treated participation at the table as the "reward" for making profession of faith?

Profession of faith, ideally, should be a significant adolescent rite of passage in which a congregation

•  cares enough to challenge its youth with rich and life-giving learning,

•  prays for them by name,

•  helps them to discern their individual spiritual gifts,

•  finds very specific, concrete ways for each of them to participate in the ministries of the church, with thoughtful mentorship, encouragement, and feedback,

•  asks that they, in turn, will mentor younger church members,

•  seeks to learn from them about their insights into the gospel and the life of the church, and

•  celebrates (!) in memorable ways all that God is doing in their lives.

Perhaps welcoming children to the table can help us make profession of faith more, not less, important.

Even if we come to a different understanding of "discerning the body" (see article by Jeffrey Weima), we still need to practice it. How will we do that?

Yes, indeed. To say it another way, the Lord's Supper is closely related to church discipline. Reading 1 Corinthians 11 with serious attention to how we might "examine ourselves" and "discern the body" calls us to be intentional about church discipline, no matter how we interpret the text. For that reason the task force appointed by the CRC Board of Trustees as directed by Synod 2006 is coming to Synod 2007 not only with recommended changes in the church order articles about who is welcome at the table, but also with changes in the articles about educational ministries and church discipline.

Part of this church discipline should be exercised by church councils who self-critically examine congregational life in prayerful efforts to root out any inhospitality and favoritism. And part of this discipline can be exercised every week in worship, as the congregation is invited to confess sin, hear God's words of assurance, and live in obedience to all God commands.

Imagine a call to confession that opens with these words: "As a congregation that regularly celebrates the grace of God at the Lord's Table, we take seriously the Bible's call to regularly examine ourselves, to confess our sin, to discern if there is anything spiritually unhealthy in this church body, and to freely claim our dependence on God's grace." If such a call to confession (perhaps spoken at the table!) were used on a regular basis, even in services in which the table was not celebrated, many congregations would perceive much more tangibly how to obey 1 Corinthians 11, perhaps more than they do now.

What happens when children who grew up participating end up rebelling as young people? Are we supposed to welcome a sullen 18-year-old to the table just because she has been participating since she was 4?

This is a difficult challenge that requires enormous spiritual discernment and pastoral wisdom. But it also important to see that this is not really different than welcoming a sullen, stubborn 39-year-old who cheats on his taxes despite the fact he has been participating since making public profession of faith at age 20.

In both cases, the church should listen to them, care for them, pray for them and call them to a life of faithful discipleship. And the church has the authority to also either suggest or require that they not participate in communion for a time. Wise church leaders might themselves choose to abstain from communion at a given time until they can reconcile with a neighbor.

Why raise such a complicated topic? Our congregation's practice of profession of faith is working great. It worked great for me and for my children.

Your good experience is something to celebrate! At the same time, we should be cautious of anecdotal accounts alone. For every good story, there is a not-so-good one, and vice versa.

In the CRC, as a recent survey tells us, there are a couple hundred pastors quite satisfied with the way things have been. There are a couple hundred pastors (and a majority of delegates to last year's synod) who want to welcome children to the table. There are also many with questions. If we weren't a denomination, everyone could just do what they pleased. Instead, we have the opportunity to pray together, study Scripture together, and talk through all the instructive historical, cultural, and congregational practices that help us live faithfully together. We have a system in which we covenant to pray, learn, deliberate and move together. As one non-denominational pastor recently told me, "I know that denominations can be unruly and complex, but please don't give up on what you have. Genuine spiritual accountability across time zones and cultures is a gift to be cherished."

So you're telling me that welcoming children to the table is not simply a case of making things easier, but of making participation deeper?

I'm saying that this could well be the case. A few proponents of the change may simply want to challenge the tradition and water things down a bit. But the majority of those advocating change are motivated more by a desire to make worship and church life in general a source of deeper, more engaged participation.

Get serious here: this change would, in effect, change a set of practices at least as old as the 16th century. This is not going to happen overnight! What gives us the chutzpah to change something that old?

True enough, this is a big change. And in fact, as David Rylaarsdam's article on page 5 suggests, this change deals with something at least 800 years old, much older than the Reformation.

This should give us humility and remind us to be patient listeners to each other. That's why the task force to synod is recommending the formation of a new kind of committee that would not only study the kinds of issues that Lyle Bierma discusses on page 3, but also do a lot of listening to local congregations in a variety of cultural and missional contexts. We need mutual accountability at both the theological and practical levels.

At the same time, the duration of these historical practices should not prevent us from a lively engagement with this topic. "Tradition" must not be at the same level as Scripture for Reformed Christians. We need not fear working together in a mutually accountable way to a new approach, provided it is driven by careful consideration of all the biblical evidence and to each of the related theological and pastoral considerations.