Monday, November 14, 2005
Hymns and Praise Choruses: A Parody
This popular e-mail forward has popped up in the inboxes of many of our readers. Although it caricatures both music styles, there is some instructive value in how this parody captures the differences—and the dangers—in the language of hymns and the language praise choruses.
> HYMNS VS. CHORUSES
>
> Old farmer Joe went to the city one weekend and attended the
> big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it
> was.
>
> “Well,” said the farmer, “it was good. They did something
> different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of
> hymns.”
>
> “Praise choruses?” said his wife. “What are those?”
>
> “Oh, they’re okay. They are sort of like hymns, only different,”
> said the farmer.
>
> “Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.
>
> Joe said, “Well, it’s like this - if I were to say to you, ‘Martha,
> the cows are in the corn’ - well, that would be a hymn. If on
> the other hand, I were to say to you:
>
> “Martha, Martha, Martha,
> Oh Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA,
> the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows
> the white cows,
> the black and white cows,
> the COWS, COWS, COWS
> are in the corn,
> are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn,
> the CORN, CORN, CORN.
>
> “Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times,
> well, that would be a praise chorus.”
>
> The next weekend, his nephew, a young, new Christian from
> the city came to visit his Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha. He
> attended their local church in the small town. When he went
> home his mother asked him how it was.
>
> “Well,” said the young man, “it was good. They did something
> different however. They sang hymns instead of praise
> choruses.”
>
> “Hymns?” asked his mother. “What are those?”
>
> “Oh, they’re okay. They are sort of like praise choruses, only
> different,” said the young man.
>
> “Well, what’s the difference?” asked his mother.
>
> The young man said, “Well, it’s like this - if Uncle Joe were to
> say to his wife, ‘Martha, the cows are in the corn’ - well, that
> would be a praise chorus. If on the other hand, he were to say
> to her:
>
> “Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry
> Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth
> Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
> To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.
>
> “For the way of the animals who can explain
> There in their heads is no shadow of sense
> Hearkenest they in God’s sun or His rain
> Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.
>
> “Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight
> Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed
> Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
> They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.
>
> “So look to the bright shining day by and by
> Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn
> Where no vicious animals make my soul cry
> And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.’
>
> “Then if he were to do only verses one, three and four and do a
> key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn.”
(On a serious note, for a good example of a song writer who avoids both dangers—simplistic monotony and dense pomposity—see the songs of Keith and Krystin Getty.)
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