I assured this parent that many first-year (and 2nd and 3rd year) students and parents are having similar conversations, and she need not be overly concerned.  The Calvin curriculum, with its’ many core requirements, allows students to sample and browse many choices of majors and programs during the first couple of years at Calvin. In fact most first-year students arrive on campus undecided, and many of them who have a specific direction in mind end up choosing a different path. 

I like to think of these students more as “explorers” than “undecided.” Explorers are embraced at Calvin.  A liberal arts education is ideally suited for just such a student, providing a bountiful smorgasbord of choices and possibilities. 

Certainly there are some programs at Calvin, particularly professional programs such as nursing, accounting, engineering, teacher education, which are designed with little forgiveness as to “browsing”—the sequence of these courses and consecutive requirements are followed most efficiently when interested students begin them during the first year.

For the most part, however, students do have time to explore during the first two years.  Students should be encouraged to continue that exploration outside of the classroom through summer jobs, student organizations, service-learning, internships, research opportunities, and the like.  All of these experiences are very important opportunities to introduce young women and men to the breadth of God’s Kingdom and a plethora of career paths that many may not have even imagined.

This parent is certainly on the right track in encouraging her student to visit the Office of Career Development.  We would like every first-year student to visit that office sometime during their first year and begin to establish a relationship with a career counselor. 

I encouraged this parent to make her suggestion more specific: ask your son to visit the Career Development Office and inquire about the Strong Interest Inventory.

The Strong Interest Inventory is a helpful tool that our Career Development counselors use to begin conversations with students about their interests and their futures. The test takes students about 30 minutes to complete.  Counselors usually ask students to also take the Myers-Briggs personality test (about 15-20 minutes to take) and use the results to begin conversations with students that can be very helpful in the career exploration journey.

Parents, we think it’s important that you know about this great resource and service: Calvin’s Office of Career Development.  Please encourage your son or daughter to utilize this resource early in the college career.

Career Development is not just for college seniors who are looking for a job.  It’s a valuable service for all of our students who are exploring their interests, their talents, and seeking God’s will for their lives.

The original Comprehensive Plan set an aggressive goal: that by 2003-2004, 15 percent of the student body, roughly 600 students, would constitute North American minority, or AHANA students. AHANA is Calvin’s designation for students of African-American, Hispanic-American, Asian-American, and Native American descent.

Today, AHANA students comprise 5.6 percent of Calvin’s student body--235 students to be precise. (This percentage does not include any of Calvin’s 315 international students). The AHANA percentage is slightly higher for faculty and staff at 6.5 percent, equaling 56 faculty/staff members.

Why has Calvin fallen short of the goal of 15 percent?  To be sure, the reasons are numerous and complex. 

The “Why?” question is an important one.  The answers need to be examined and understood. Yet Calvin College must also continue moving towards an understanding of the “How?” question in order to become the Christian academic community that God is calling it to be. 

Parents and friends, racial justice, reconciliation, and cross-cultural understanding are not only critical to the future of Calvin College, they are among the most important issues facing our world today.  To know that Calvin College struggles openly and directly with these issues is to understand the very heart and core of Calvin’s mission, that of educating for shalom. Cornelius Plantinga, Jr., former dean of the chapel and current president of Calvin Theological Seminary, writes this of shalom:

That’s what Christian higher education is for. It’s for shalom. It’s for peace in the sense of wholeness and harmony in the world. It’s for restoring proper relationships with nature and other humans and God . . . a Christian college education equips us to be agents of shalom, models of shalom, witnesses to shalom.

Shalom. What a beautiful vision!  The witness of Jesus Christ and the urging of the Holy Spirit compel us to be faithful agents of that vision. 

It would be easy to be discouraged by the pace of Calvin’s progress towards achieving that worthy vision. That pace certainly causes tension and challenge within this community, but it continues to stimulate healthy dialogue and foster a holy uneasiness with the status quo. 

Even though we’re presently at 5.6 percent, I’m more encouraged than discouraged.  During the past three years that I’ve been “back” at Calvin (I also worked at Calvin from 1977-1991), I’ve been impressed by the strength of resolve within this community to struggle towards this vision of shalom, of reconciling and restoring that which has been broken. Though progress is slow, there has been progress.  The Calvin College of 2006 is a few steps closer towards that vision than the Calvin College of 1985, when the percentage of AHANA students was 1.3 percent. Clearly though, a long road and journey lie ahead to reach the goal.

Parents, you are important players in this effort.  We believe that it’s important to invite you into this conversation and to share our hopes for this vision, God’s vision, for Calvin College.  Your prayers, support, advice, and awareness of this initiative are crucial towards our vision. 

This invitation is especially important for those of you who are parents of our AHANA students—we invite open and honest conversations about your students’ experiences at Calvin, and your experiences as parents, and how we can make improvements in this arena. Understanding the personal struggles and triumphs of our students and parents informs and instructs us as we move on toward the goal.  If you’re not sure where to begin that conversation please call me at 616-526-6094 or e-mail me at parents@calvin.edu.

The numbers and percentages related to moving beyond 5.6 percent are important.  But an increase in numbers and percentages is not the only goal.  Ultimately, our efforts must transform Calvin College until this community is in harmony with the vision that God is calling us to.

And what will that community look like?  Let me share this fine vision from the current FEN document, a vision that was also articulated in the original Comprehensive Plan:

We envision a kingdom community in which cultural diversity is seen as normal; a Christian “family” that transcends ethnic, cultural, racial, and class boundaries: a communion of saints in which “each member should consider it his duty to use his gifts readily and cheerfully for the service and enrichment of the other members” (Lord’s Day 21 of the Heidelberg Catechism); a community in which Reformed Christians from all of these groups see Calvin as their college. It is the biblical vision of Pentecost rather than the vision of Babel.

Let it come quickly.  Amen.

That phrase also reminds me of a recent conversation with a parent who shared his concern that he wasn’t hearing very much from his first-year student.  His son had been quite open and communicative with both mom and dad during the high school years, but once he started at Calvin the frequency and quality of their conversations had dwindled.  The few conversations they were having were marked at best by monosyllabic responses to dad’s and mom’s questions.

This dad expressed a concern that I believe resonates with other college parents:  “Am I loosing my son/daughter?  Should we be concerned?”

Although I’m not an expert on these matters, I shared that I’ve talked to many Calvin parents and this experience is not uncommon.  Here are a few points we discussed:

- Recognize that your student has less time for parents and family, at least initially.  There are an inordinate number of opportunities pulling at their time: studies, papers, exams, part time jobs, athletics, lectures, concerts, connecting with old friends, exploring new friendships, dating, and so on.  Young adults are learning to balance their own time and commitments and simply have less time to share with mom and dad.

- Students commonly take the first year or two of college to find their own “space” apart from parents and family.  Whether done intentionally or not, many students set limits on the amount of time and contacts that they initiate with parents during this period.  The degree to which this occurs, of course, varies with each student and family situation.  In the midst of this process parents might experience a sense of loss or separation from their student.  Don’t be overly alarmed about “loosing” your son or daughter—your experience is not uncommon and your student’s self-imposed “distance” is probably just another sign of growing-up—a process that you want to encourage.

- As college begins, many students already feel quite safe and secure in their relationship with parents, but less so with their new college environment.  Some students may fall back on the security of knowing that “mom and dad will always be there for me.” As they explore and venture into new situations, many feel so secure in the parent-child relationship that they give themselves permission to remain somewhat distant from parents and home, at least for a time.  Parents might consider viewing this phenomenon positively and take it as a compliment to the strength of the relationship with your son or daughter.

- Many parents report that the pendulum “swings back” in mom and dad’s direction after the first year or two of college.  By this time students have had a chance to carve out that new “space” and are more secure in their new environment. 

- Many parents also report another phenomenon: that as the pendulum swings back they relate to their son or daughter now more as mutual friends than as parent to child! The reasons for this are many, but again, it is a fairly common experience and part of the process of watching your student grow and mature while your relationship with your student does the same.

Let me conclude with a few additional suggestions:

- Find a pattern, comfortable for you and your student, in the frequency of contacts you initiate. Discuss this with your student--get their input on when and how often.

- When you chat be mindful to not ask too many questions.  Some college students tire of that quickly and may interpret it as prying or invasive.  Learn to respect their need for space and independence. Instead of asking a lot of questions, share things happening in your world and at home.  That may open the lines of communication a bit more, “prime the pump,” and encourage your student to volunteer more about what is happening in his/her world.

- Though they may not admit it, students do enjoy hearing about the normal, routine news from home.  Consider your letter or e-mail as a newsletter from home and report on cute things younger siblings have said or done, other family news, church news, etc.

- Continue to pray for your sons and daughters; it’s your most important job as a parent.  God is faithful.  Although your role as a parent is continually changing, the important position that you play now and will continue to play in the lives of your sons and daughters will also continue to grow into a richer, meaningful relationship as adult-to-adult.

“Dad,” his voice sounded distressed.  “I’m at the corner of the East Beltline and Leonard.  Our car just got hit.  Can you please come right away?”

“Is everyone ok?  Is anybody injured?”

“No one’s hurt.  Just please come right away, ok?”

I was there in four minutes.  An ambulance, fire truck and the sheriff were already on the scene.

Both cars were totaled.  Thankfully, no one was seriously injured.  A few bruises and minor cuts.  Some very shaken up teenage boys.

“I’m sorry, Dad.  It wasn’t my fault.  The guy ran a red light.”

“I don’t care about the car—I’m just so thankful that everyone is ok.”

The next hour was bit of a blur.  Hours later, after all forms were signed, cars were towed away, everyone was where they had to be, our boys were asleep.  Mary and I were not. 

As I lay in bed recounting the events I kept thinking: “If the impact had happened two seconds earlier, we’d be in the hospital right now—or perhaps worse.”

I’m not usually one to play the “what if” and the “if only” games.  It’s not productive and it doesn’t change events.  But as I lay there, trying to fall asleep, I felt helpless as a parent.  Instinctively, I want to protect my children from such events.  Every parent (especially those of teenagers and college students) has been there too.

I wasn’t there with them when the accident took place.  I couldn’t be.  And likely, I won’t be there with them the next time something like this happens.  But I’m so thankful that God was there with those young men at that intersection.

Perhaps this feeling of helplessness is a good thing.  It reminds that I’m not the one in charge.  God is.  I don’t know why these things happen.  And I don’t know why sometimes they end in tragedy, and sometimes they end with thankfulness as they did this morning. 

But I do know this--my only comfort in times like this is knowing “that I am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him.” (The Heidelberg Catechism, Question and Answer One).

Thanksgiving will have a deeper meaning for my family this year.  I’m thankful that I have a heavenly Father who is always there, even when someone runs the red light.

And in those times when I feel helpless, I’m thankful to know that He is the one in charge.

I thanked her for asking the question.  Some parents don’t even get that far—their parental “wiring” tells them to jump right in, elbows deep, and resolve the situation on behalf of or with their son or daughter.

My response was this--listen well, offer support and encouragement, maybe even suggest a course of action, but ultimately let your student resolve the situation with the professor.

The parent sighed and shared that her head agreed with me--her son did need to start taking charge of these situations on his own.  “But it’s so hard to not get involved!” Her heart, her parental instincts, told her that a simple phone call to the professor would likely resolve the immediate situation. 

This is not an easy question to consider as a parent.  You want what is best for your children and you want to see them treated fairly.  Sometimes a parent’s involvement may be expedient toward an end to THIS particular situation.  But isn’t the goal to equip these young men and women to handle the NEXT situation on their own?  Each of us, our students included, eventually needs to take charge of life’s challenges. 

It’s not so important to always know the answer the question posed above.  Perhaps, in some instances, it is necessary to get involved as a parent.  It’s very important, however, to at least stop and ask the question. Stopping to ask the question is a valuable parenting skill, and is half the battle in helping our students to help themselves.

The Parent Council gathered for their first meeting on Thursday night.  There was a time for the parent-members to introduce themselves.  The parents shared how their students came to choose Calvin and many reflected on what they have come to appreciate about their sons’ and daughters’ experiences at Calvin.

I wished I had recorded all the wonderful stories I heard at this session.  We listened to story after story of the many ways that these students and their families have been positively affected by their experiences at Calvin College.

About two-thirds of the way through the session one of the parents commented, “You know, I’ve heard a lot of stories tonight but they all share one thing in common.  They are all evidence of God’s faithfulness.” This parent went on to talk about the life-changing imprint that Calvin College has made on her children, on her and her husband, and also the two generations of her family that preceded her Calvin experience. 

I love to think and talk about the Calvin experience in that way—as strong evidence of God’s faithfulness!  Evidenced in the way that God demonstrates his faithfulness to your sons and daughters through their experiences here and in their life beyond Calvin, but also evidenced in the thousands of ways that Calvin students help show God’s faithfulness to the world through their lives of Christian vocation.

This past weekend was also the setting for two days of meetings of the Calvin Alumni Association board, a variety of concerts and shows, a lecture by Philip Yancey, and class reunions for those who graduated from Calvin in 1976 and 1981.

I’m thankful to say that I graduated from Calvin College in 1976 and attended my 30th reunion this past weekend.  It was good to reconnect with classmates I hadn’t seen in many years and to enjoy the opportunities that a college reunion provides.

The Master of Ceremonies* of the reunion program began the evening by looking out over a decidedly graying crowd of 50-something-baby-boomers and remarking, “I don’t recall so many of us wearing bifocals 30 years ago.” After the ensuing laughter he went on to observe, “You know, bifocals really aren’t so bad.  They can serve as a reminder of God’s faithfulness, helping us to not only look backwards, as we do at a reunion, but also to look forward, as we share how God has been at work through our lives these past 30 years.”

I like those thoughts and that image—the dual purpose of bifocals.  As evidence of God’s faithfulness.  I pray that we as parents gain the dual vision that bifocals can afford—the ability to see two images of our students.  The ability to see them up close, as they are today with all of today’s joys and challenges, but also the vision to see them through the lense of God’s faithfulness, becoming the Christian women and men that God intends them to be.

* (I want to share that our reunion MC, Dr. Bob Keeley, did triple-duty that evening, serving as not only our reunion MC but also as member of BOTH bands that provided entertainment that evening—The Lazy Blue Tunas and the 30th reunion of Blue Sky, a popular Calvin band from the 70s.  Bob Keeley’s “day job” is teaching your daughters and sons as the chair of Calvin’s Education Department).

A mom called today and asked if the snowy view she saw on the Calvin Webcam was a joke.  It’s not.  It’s snowing in Grand Rapids today.  An unusually early snow. 

I’ve been feeling a bit negligent and have been wanting to find some time to write something for the FMW blog this week.  It’s been a busy few weeks with preparations for Family Weekend and the October meeting of the Parent Council next weekend.  Now as I look at the view from my window it occurs to me that this image will have to suffice as my contribution this week.  A picture is worth a thousand words.

We’re praying for warmer weather next weekend for Family Weekend.  Rest assured that we’ll have a great weekend for Calvin parents and families regardless of the weather.

There’s a saying here in Michigan.  “If you don’t like the weather just wait around for 5 minutes--it’s likely to change.”

Hard to believe that I mowed my lawn three days ago.  There’s at least one benefit of an early snow:

My lawn and my yard look just as good as my neighbor’s today.  And with very little effort on my part.

Hope to see you soon at Family Weekend!

Parents I have talked to or run into these past four weeks seem generally content about their student’s college experience thus far.  In spite of that I know that many parents are secretly busy with one of the prime activities of parenting a college student.

They worry.

Parents are all over the board when it comes to topics they choose to worry about.  The September 2006 “Question of the Month” touched on those issues: “As you think about the upcoming academic year, what concerns you most regarding your student’s Calvin experience?” Based on input from 168 parents here are how those responses broke down:

* Time Management: 19.0%
* Academics: 15.5%
* Personal Relationships: 14.3%
* Spiritual Wellness: 13.7%
* Career Planning: 11.9%
* Finances: 10.1%
* Health: 2.4%
* Involvement opportunities outside classroom: 2.4%
* Safety: 0.6%
* Other: 10.1%

It’s interesting to me that even though time management tops that list, there are five other very healthy contenders for the #1 position—each worthy of a parent’s prayers and concern.

Let me share this comforting Bible passage and a short piece that I wrote for a church devotional booklet a few years ago.  It’s an eternal promise that’s been helpful for this dad when those “worry” opportunities pop up.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
- Philippians 4: 4-9

Worldly happiness is fickle.  Our mood can soar and then suddenly crash, often triggered by the most trivial of events.  A co-worker makes an offhand comment about a haircut or an outfit.  The oven breaks down an hour before “company” comes. The bills pour in faster than the cash. The dog does his business on . . . well, you get the idea.

Happiness in this life is so often tied to events beyond our control. When our mood swings downward we often play the “If only this hadn’t happened” or “If only I had done this or that” games.  We never win at these games when worldly happiness is our goal. 

Happiness must not be confused with joy or with peace.  Worldly happiness has everything to do with how I feel at the moment.  It is temporary.  Joy (the root word of rejoice) and peace have everything to do with who I am in Jesus Christ. They are eternal.  No earthly thing can mess around with that.  Joy and peace are mine for keeps. God promises that nothing can separate me from His love.  We can rejoice even through tears of sorrow because we know that, no matter what happens to us, our comfort—our only comfort—is in Him. When we are in Jesus Christ we gain an eternal perspective and a peace that helps us to deal with the minor irritations and inconveniences that we encounter every day.

My favorite passage is Philippians 4: 4-9.  Rejoice in the Lord, ALWAYS. There’s nothing ambiguous about the word always. The passage outlines my response to every situation.  It helps me gain composure when I am angry.  It resonates in my soul when I am happy.  It brings me peace when I am sorrowful.  It provides direction and insight when I am confused.

I am not always able to control the things that happen to me in this life, but I am always able to control my response. God’s plan for my response in every situation is abundantly simple and clear.

Be joyful in God.  Be gentle.  Don’t worry.  Always pray.  Be thankful.  Think about the good stuff, not the junk.  Do the good stuff.

And the result?  The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. . . and the God of peace will be with you.”

I’ll take that over fickle happiness any day.

In spite of this many first year students, even those who received a scholarship, will experience significant academic adjustments during their first semester.  Many parents report that even though their student received very good grades in high school, Calvin academics require a lot more time and effort to maintain similar grades. 

Because college students are actually in a classroom fewer hours each week than high school students, some arrive at an early (and false) conclusion that there is more “free” time in college.  This is a common mistake. The sooner this misconception is exposed, however, the better. Putting off an assignment for a few days can quickly turn into a week or two. Suddenly it’s the middle of October and there is little time left to turn a ship around that is sailing in the wrong direction.

Parents have asked how to best coach their student as they adjust to this new academic environment.  There are many ways to do this.  Remain positive. Find opportunities to encourage your student. Let them know you believe they can be successful in college. Remind them of good time management strategies.

I also like to mention that students should know and follow the “two-for-one” rule.  Simply stated the rule is this: for every one hour that a student is in class, he/she should be spending at least two hours of work outside of the classroom—reading textbook assignments, participating in study groups, organizing class notes, researching term papers, studying for quizzes or exams, and so on.

Most college students know about this “two-for-one” rule.  If not, many will quickly discover it.  Some will have to learn this rule the hard way through their own experience.  If you feel that this general rule may be a new concept for your first-year student, mention it. Sometimes it is helpful for students to hear a simple rule or maxim that will help them balance their academic work with all that college life also requires of them. 

College is a full time job. Students are in a classroom for 14-16 hours each week. An additional 28-32 hours are expected outside of class.  That’s 40-50 hours a week—indeed a full time job!  But even those who have full time jobs still find time for all that life offers--friends, recreation, worship, athletics, part time employment, and so on. But all of these must never take precedence over the full time job—academic work.

Don’t ever hesitate to encourage your student to ask for academic help if additional study strategies are needed.  The professor of the class in question is always a great first stop.  The office of Student Academic Services is another great resource.  So are RAs and RDs.  Tutors and coaches are available and standing by. 

The Calvin community is invested in the success of all of our students.  As a general rule, however, students have to ask for help when it is needed.  Successful students learn to treat their college career as a full time job.  “Two-for-one” is a simple rule that may help your first-year student remain focused on that task.

Unfortunately I don’t always make it to chapel.  It’s been a personal goal of mine to attend at least once each week.  Last week I made it three times--I also attended this morning.  That’s not always the case.  Often the tempo of a work project propels that 9:55 am “mark” right past me.  Or I just plain forget and don’t even consider the chapel option many mornings.  Occasionally a colleague will stop by or shoot me an e-mailed invitation.  That is usually enough of a prompt. Sometimes I even take the initiative and invite a colleague.

But one thing is always certain when it comes to my chapel attendance.  I always receive a spiritual blessing when I do go.

I am always struck by how many students attend chapel.  It was not always so at Calvin College.  I was a first year student at Calvin in 1972. Chapel was not well attended that year.  That was the first year that students were not required to attend chapel.  It was a big step for Calvin to make that change back in 1972.  But I believe that the impact that decision had on the quality of worship was significant.  Students chose to attend chapel because of their longing to be there.  And they received a blessing.

Sometimes campus visitors are surprised to learn that chapel attendance is not required at Calvin College.  I believe it is a good thing that students have the option of attending or not.  From where I sit it seems clear that students who attend really desire and even long to be there.  They too receive a spiritual blessing.

Parents, you are always welcome to join the Calvin community for chapel at 10 am.  Some of you live in or near Grand Rapids and chapel attendance is an option for you.  I’m certain that you too will be blessed if you choose to come.

For the rest of you, I’m happy to say that we plan to “roll out” a new Web option later this semester which will allow parents, alumni and friends to listen to chapel live over the Web site.  We will make the proper announcements in Calvin-Parents and on the Web site once this service becomes available.

Then we can nudge each other at 9:50 am and ask, “Hey, wanna go to chapel with me?”