Should I get involved in a dispute with a professor?

Friday, November 03, 2006

By Jim Van Wingerden

A parent asked for some advice today.  The question: “How involved should I get in a dispute that my student is having with a professor?”

I thanked her for asking the question.  Some parents don’t even get that far—their parental “wiring” tells them to jump right in, elbows deep, and resolve the situation on behalf of or with their son or daughter.

My response was this--listen well, offer support and encouragement, maybe even suggest a course of action, but ultimately let your student resolve the situation with the professor.

The parent sighed and shared that her head agreed with me--her son did need to start taking charge of these situations on his own.  “But it’s so hard to not get involved!” Her heart, her parental instincts, told her that a simple phone call to the professor would likely resolve the immediate situation. 

This is not an easy question to consider as a parent.  You want what is best for your children and you want to see them treated fairly.  Sometimes a parent’s involvement may be expedient toward an end to THIS particular situation.  But isn’t the goal to equip these young men and women to handle the NEXT situation on their own?  Each of us, our students included, eventually needs to take charge of life’s challenges. 

It’s not so important to always know the answer the question posed above.  Perhaps, in some instances, it is necessary to get involved as a parent.  It’s very important, however, to at least stop and ask the question. Stopping to ask the question is a valuable parenting skill, and is half the battle in helping our students to help themselves.

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