Thanksgiving

Saturday, November 18, 2006

By Jim Van Wingerden

The phone rang at 12:30 am this morning.  I was still up, having just talked with my 16-year old on the cell phone, asking when he expected to be home (every parent of a teenager has been there).  He, his 9th grade brother and three other friends were on their way home from a pizza gathering after the high school play performance.

“Dad,” his voice sounded distressed.  “I’m at the corner of the East Beltline and Leonard.  Our car just got hit.  Can you please come right away?”

“Is everyone ok?  Is anybody injured?”

“No one’s hurt.  Just please come right away, ok?”

I was there in four minutes.  An ambulance, fire truck and the sheriff were already on the scene.

Both cars were totaled.  Thankfully, no one was seriously injured.  A few bruises and minor cuts.  Some very shaken up teenage boys.

“I’m sorry, Dad.  It wasn’t my fault.  The guy ran a red light.”

“I don’t care about the car—I’m just so thankful that everyone is ok.”

The next hour was bit of a blur.  Hours later, after all forms were signed, cars were towed away, everyone was where they had to be, our boys were asleep.  Mary and I were not. 

As I lay in bed recounting the events I kept thinking: “If the impact had happened two seconds earlier, we’d be in the hospital right now—or perhaps worse.”

I’m not usually one to play the “what if” and the “if only” games.  It’s not productive and it doesn’t change events.  But as I lay there, trying to fall asleep, I felt helpless as a parent.  Instinctively, I want to protect my children from such events.  Every parent (especially those of teenagers and college students) has been there too.

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(0) Comments • Christian Formation • Parenting • Personal • Permalink

Should I get involved in a dispute with a professor?

Friday, November 03, 2006

By Jim Van Wingerden

A parent asked for some advice today.  The question: “How involved should I get in a dispute that my student is having with a professor?”

I thanked her for asking the question.  Some parents don’t even get that far—their parental “wiring” tells them to jump right in, elbows deep, and resolve the situation on behalf of or with their son or daughter.

My response was this--listen well, offer support and encouragement, maybe even suggest a course of action, but ultimately let your student resolve the situation with the professor.

The parent sighed and shared that her head agreed with me--her son did need to start taking charge of these situations on his own.  “But it’s so hard to not get involved!” Her heart, her parental instincts, told her that a simple phone call to the professor would likely resolve the immediate situation. 

This is not an easy question to consider as a parent.  You want what is best for your children and you want to see them treated fairly.  Sometimes a parent’s involvement may be expedient toward an end to THIS particular situation.  But isn’t the goal to equip these young men and women to handle the NEXT situation on their own?  Each of us, our students included, eventually needs to take charge of life’s challenges. 

It’s not so important to always know the answer the question posed above.  Perhaps, in some instances, it is necessary to get involved as a parent.  It’s very important, however, to at least stop and ask the question. Stopping to ask the question is a valuable parenting skill, and is half the battle in helping our students to help themselves.

(0) Comments • Academic • Parenting • Professors • The First-Year Experience • Permalink
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