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| please step this way… |
This is a note that’s long overdue… But I’ve realized that my life just isn’t quite exciting enough for two blogs. One, yes. Two… no. I’d have to make things up, just to fill the spaces. And since that’s what I do anyway (see: novel in progress), I’ve been focusing… |
Jenn Langefeld |
12/30/09 |
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| november is for happy endings. |
Everything that had happened had begun between the pages of this book.—Cornelia Funke Can I introduce you to the recent love of my life? This is Draft Three!! I finished it Tuesday night, but I’m still feeling a bit dazed ... and brain-sore. It took a pretty intense Monday and… |
Jenn Langefeld |
11/05/09 |
1 |
11/28/09 |
| note |
It’s one thing to be sick for six days. But after two and a half weeks, it just isn’t cute anymore.—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
10/27/09 |
1 |
10/30/09 |
| why being sick is good for my health |
People do not die of little trifling colds.—Jane Austen So. Day Six of a strange, low-grade, feels-like-a-cold-but-isn’t sort of illness. I’d really like it to leave, but at the moment, anything that’s not swine flu sounds like a real blessing. Besides, isn’t it sort of cozy to be sick when… |
Jenn Langefeld |
10/13/09 |
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| there and back again |
And so I was in Florida last week, road tripping with my mom. There’s amazing scenery between St. Louis and Tampa, and I took hundreds of pictures. It was wonderful to soak up time with my little sister and her family, and to wonder at the burnt-out state of Florida.… |
Jenn Langefeld |
10/05/09 |
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| wishing you crisp apples and cooler air |
I like autumn. The drama of it; the golden lion roaring through the back door of the year, shaking its mane of leaves.—Joanne Harris I have to admit: it was the loveliest summer (weather-wise) that I can remember. I’ve never witnessed so many gorgeous days in normally-suffocating St. Louis. I… |
Jenn Langefeld |
09/23/09 |
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| a cheering epilogue |
Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.—Louis Pasteur What a difference a week can make! After that last (somewhat depressed) post, I had two brilliant days of work. There’s a lot to be said for stranding yourself… |
Jenn Langefeld |
09/15/09 |
2 |
09/23/09 |
| postcard from a lapsed wordsmith |
One day soon I’ll remember that I’m actually a writer, regardless of what else is tearing through my life at the moment. (When is “it’s been hectic” a good excuse for anything??) And I’ll scoop up my thoughts, brush and comb them, and then spin them into words. And then… |
Jenn Langefeld |
09/08/09 |
2 |
09/15/09 |
| i used to have a locker |
And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.—Rainer Maria Rilke I was always the kid who began missing long division sometime around August. Long division and cool white paper and the smell of erasers. The afternoons would grow longer, and the cicadas buzzed… |
Jenn Langefeld |
08/17/09 |
1 |
08/18/09 |
| renovation photo album |
Let’s see if we have more photo success today… A bit of paint: . And after the floor and bookshelves were installed, we had some sorting of books to do… . Ooooh. That just makes my heart happy. . . You see? Don’t you want to come visit now?—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
08/06/09 |
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| the story of july |
I said “one o’clock” as though I could see it, and “Monday” as though I could find it on the map.—Peter S. Beagle Once upon a time, there was a blogger with very fine intentions, who encountered a hectic July… oh, wait: you already know how this one turns out,… |
Jenn Langefeld |
08/04/09 |
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| the much belated bermuda album: part two |
i loved the palm trees at night ... the silence-filled interior of the unfinished church… i loved this place! i would have slept there, if it had been legal… ... |
Jenn Langefeld |
07/17/09 |
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| the much belated bermuda album: part one |
I am so sorry that these are miserably overdue… our summer’s been crazy, for reasons you will hear soon. In the meantime: this is Bermuda! St. David’s Lighthouse, as our plane approaches the airport ... i’m excited for another moped ride! ... |
Jenn Langefeld |
07/17/09 |
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| a memoir for larry |
I gotta get my life some writers.—Bill Watterson (Calvin&Hobbes;) Out of all the taxis waiting on Front Street in Hamilton, Bermuda, I happened to get into Larry’s. Larry has skin the color of coffee, eyes more ice-blue than my own, a ready laugh, and a deep Bermudan accent (think British,… |
Jenn Langefeld |
06/27/09 |
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| where i am right now |
My deplorable mania for analysis exhausts me.—Gustave Flaubert What a heavy thing is a pen!—Emile Zola This is where I am: * A chair (navy, with wheels) * Hamilton, Bermuda * the third floor of an office building * in the middle of a week-long stay * next to a… |
Jenn Langefeld |
06/17/09 |
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| guests |
They’re in the house. I know this, even without opening my eyes, or raising my forehead from where it rests on the desk. I know it in some place in the back of my brain, the same way I know everything else about them: an instinct. It’s what tells me… |
Jenn Langefeld |
06/12/09 |
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| epilogue: what do i look like to you? |
I was born not knowing and have only had a little time to change that here and there.—Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman Oddly enough, just a day after my graduation post, I was at an event, and a guy asked: So, do you go to the local high school? To which—after… |
Jenn Langefeld |
06/02/09 |
1 |
06/08/09 |
| homesick. (a letter) |
He started back, and begging pardon, protested that he never read novels.—Jane Austen (about Mr. Collins, who else?) Dear Novels, (Dear fiction, Dear everything in the best part of the library, Dear everything I haven’t been reading…) It has been such a long time, I know. So many weeks since… |
Jenn Langefeld |
05/28/09 |
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| guaranteed to be cheaper than graduate school. |
Live deep instead of fast.—Henry Canby Having just passed my third graduation anniversary (what?), I decided to share a bit of my post-Calvin wisdom. (Obviously, this is a short post… ha ha ha.) So. Ten things I’ve learned since graduation: 1. Even three years out of college, some people will… |
Jenn Langefeld |
05/22/09 |
1 |
06/05/09 |
| in which the cast is missing… again. |
If I appear ridiculous, it is because our language is deficient.—James Boswell After months of decent writing work, it seems that my stamina, my ability to stay sitting at my desk, is shot to pieces. I blame the travel bug, which has been gnawing at my brain all week. It… |
Jenn Langefeld |
05/16/09 |
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| a week in ten moments |
me, looking up at mosaic work in the St. Louis Basilica Whew! What a week! We can pack a lot in seven days, and I haven’t caught my breath yet. Instead of the full saga, here’s our week in ten glimpses: * Crepes again last Sunday, yum. My brother-in-law recommends… |
Jenn Langefeld |
05/09/09 |
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| why i write |
Leaving Borders last Saturday afternoon, feeling philosophical about how many millions of books there are out there, and how long (LONG) it takes me to write a single one, musing about competition, industry, marketplace… And then this: a man walking in, then a huge intake of breath. “There it is!”… |
Jenn Langefeld |
05/08/09 |
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| you’re invited. |
I’ve made a little life out of muttering on paper.—N.E. Bode, The Nobodies If you like hopping about through the blogosphere, then hop over in this direction, and visit my new blog! (Well, relatively new. It has two months behind it.) It talks even more about writing than this one… |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/30/09 |
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| finding the dark side of jenn |
Villains are the salt in the soup of a story.—Cornelia Funke, Inkspell Villains made history. Villains changed the destiny of the world.—J.V. Hart, Capt. Hook Well, I pushed past last week’s exhaustion by that time-honored college technique: skimming. What a wonderful invention. Scan a page, trust that the good lines will leap out, and move on. I am profoundly grateful for the chance to revise my work, to rewrite it basically from scratch. How many places in life can we literally rip things up and start again? Not many. So, goodbye to the Old Part Three! Paragraphs I’ll learn from, but hope never to see again. It seems that every section of this rewrite has taught me something: in the first section, one of the characters closest to my protagonist became enormously interesting. Once I heard his voice clearly, Part One stood up and started running, and I just had to keep up. Then, with Part Two, the love interest got a complete personality overhaul—and off went Part Two. With Part Three, I’m zeroing in on the main antagonist. I’m convinced that she’s the link to Part Three, and if I can just hear her voice clearly, if I can just get her right, then Part Three will yawn and stretch and then tell me precisely where we’re going. It’s a feeling I live for, now, when the book tells me just what it wants. (Oooh, this kind of talk makes non-writers shake their heads at me, but it’s still true, so shake away.) The antagonist was okay in the earlier drafts, just… not very frightening. More like a cardboard box with mean black-crayon eyebrows. Not like a person of flesh and blood who could seriously give you nightmares, and that’s what we need for this story. Someone stronger than, well, cardboard. A lot stronger. Especially now that the rest of my cast is more dynamic. She’s been mean and hostile and relatively powerful. Manipulative and cold-hearted. Perceptive. Changeable. But it’s just not good enough. So now we’re peeling back the layers of her motivation, this character and I. Figuring out her past, and why she wants what she wants. (And what is that, exactly, after all?) All my characters have a pinch of me in them: a bit of someone I know mixed in with something of me, or sometimes it’s just a lot of me, mixed with things I’d like to be. But then we come to the antagonist, and so far, no one I know really fits her. (I need to meet more warped people, perhaps? Or—maybe not. I value sleeping well at nights.) But some very good writing advice says that antagonists see themselves as heroes. In their version of events, they are the ones struggling, the ones overcoming obstacles, working for a prize. Now I’m looking at my story through those other eyes, trying to put my antagonist at the top, and see where she would go, what she would do. And since no one of my acquaintance works for her, I’m using myself as stand-in. How would I feel if these things happened to me? What would I be looking for? How would I behave? And how frightening and tooth-chillingly bad could I really be? Whew! That will make me want to take a break from my writing chair. Let’s go have a latté... and I’ll spook the barista by using my new evil voice.—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/30/09 |
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| why i am not a builder of sand castles |
Why gnaw you so your nether lip?—William Shakespeare, Othello OH, this is one of those days where there just isn’t enough tea in the world, there isn’t enough coffee. I did actually finish my work on Part Two last week, in a blaze of exhaustion and weary eyes last Wednesday.… |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/23/09 |
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| the merry eggs of easter |
I am so smitten with this year’s Easter dyeing (though I don’t think I can stomach another hardboiled egg, not for a few weeks at least…) But surely, this is the highest and best use of rubber bands.—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/23/09 |
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| easter corrections |
To the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power, and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.—The Book of Jude, the last verse. Forget all my hedging, side-stepping words about fearlessness at the end of this post. God can do whatever he wants,… |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/14/09 |
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| rainy night cuppa |
If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.—Albert Einstein All my scruples about discussing the weather vanish when the weather is rain. Rain is something else entirely: it means that everything is right and good and cozy. Mom and I dashed out through… |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/10/09 |
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| fearless, or something like it |
Worrying, indeed, seemed to be the twentieth century’s specialty.—P.G. Wodehouse I’d forgotten that “stop being afraid” was one of the lines on this list. It will probably take more than just a spring, more than Lent, more than just the habit of writing the word fearless on my arm. Though… |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/07/09 |
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| late night musings: the results |
If there were a market for insecurities, I could sell mine for a buck a piece, and make a FORTUNE. And then I’d just buy a villa on the coast of Italy, and write my brains out. Minus all my insecurities. Which would be bliss. |
Jenn Langefeld |
04/03/09 |
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| and then there were crepes. |
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.—Annie Dillard Remember that list of resolutions I made? I finally made crepes from scratch last night—why oh why didn’t I do this sooner? They’re every bit as easy as pancakes, but are 100 times more fun. (Sorry,… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/31/09 |
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04/09/09 |
| “verrrrrry nice weather we’re having…” |
Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?—Friedrich Nietzsche The other day, out running errands. Waiting for the cashier to print up a receipt, and he looks at me and my dad. Says in that good-cashier voice [I know, because I can whip out that… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/30/09 |
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| what a week’s absence means |
1) That the newly revised character never did stop talking. 2) That he rallied two more characters to his cause, and along with the protagonist, my head has been filled with chatter. 3) That two long days devoted to setting resulted in an enormous map now covering my bed. 4)… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/21/09 |
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| the pound cake philosopher |
Two weeks until my outline is “due,” and I’m feeling better. About everything. After some quality time yesterday with my main characters, I’ve realized how different Part Two needs to be. (And Part Three. I’m not philosophical about that yet. It hurts, plain and simple. So we won’t think about… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/14/09 |
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| does anyone really know what time it is? |
I’m a little disappointed with spring—yesterday it was 82 degrees, and today it’s 34. What? We’re rocketing between summer and winter, and I was hoping for a string of days in the sixties… The birds are undaunted, though, and they’ve set about filling up their dance cards. I watch them… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/11/09 |
1 |
03/24/09 |
| i don’t have words yet |
I heard about this in Bible class Sunday morning. These things usually happen so far away… this was a mere six miles down the road. I think our whole congregation was stunned… I certainly am. |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/09/09 |
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| my last barista was a prophet. |
I just got back from a ladies’ event at my church—a fun time, but it had an early start. So after lunch, I did something I once promised myself I would never do: I actually sought out church-basement coffee. Ever since first smelling church coffee, I knew I’d never drink… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/07/09 |
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| white knuckles, red capes, and the next phase of revision |
Events conspired to overtake our heroes, as events often do.—Peter David, Tigerheart Sometimes heroism is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic. —the unbelievably brilliant Leif Enger Well. It was a lovely break, a wonderful few days off. There was tea, there was knitting (a gorgeous blue… |
Jenn Langefeld |
03/05/09 |
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| recruit me. no, really: recruit me. |
Dear Department of Literature Appreciation, You must have received my application for your police/enforcement division, and I am begging you to process it quickly, as I have an arrest I need to make. On Thursday, I went to the library to retrieve a stack of books I had ordered. (You… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/28/09 |
2 |
03/05/09 |
| the gifts of february |
Come see the things that February has done for me… 1) finished the Part One rewrites, yes I did, last night. (It did not kill me. Though it tried.) Amazing!! I feel like a balloon cut loose. I ended up writing over 9000 words yesterday to make it to the… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/28/09 |
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| ashes, ashes (we all fall down.) |
She hoped to be wise and reasonable in time; but alas! alas! She must confess to herself that she was not wise yet.—Jane Austen Nothing is more frightening than a fear you cannot name.—Cornelia Funke How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.—Annie Dillard And now it is Lent, a name I always thought was funny as a kid. It was like having a season called “Borrowed.” There must be some intriguing and brilliant metaphor about what is lent to us during this time before Easter, but I don’t have the mental stamina to puzzle it out. Fill in the blanks as you choose. Lent always surprises me by coming earlier than I expect. When I can catch it in time, I try to give up something. |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/26/09 |
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| regretting the mission impossible |
The truth is this: It was a tragically boring escape. Our apologies.—Peter David, Tigerheart Okay. I knew this “three-weeks’-work-in-one!” was a stupid idea. I knew it was crazy. I knew it was going to hurt, a lot. That’s all proving to be true. My mind is numb after logging 8759 words this week so far. And all my teams are failing me: the characters have showed up on Stage One, but none of them know their lines. My reliably funny characters are out of quips, the scary ones just look abashed, and the heroine has a headache. My set design crew is woefully behind. (“Could we just use cardboard cutouts and stand-ins?” they ask, wanting a smoking break. No, I tell them. No, we can’t.) And my plot think tank—well. They’ve scattered, driven to Mexico the moment I told them we were cramming this week full. The only team with me heart and soul is the catering crew. I have a date with some fine pie crust in one hour. So what keeps me clinging to Monday’s decision (despite common sense and plain exhaustion)? I still can’t bear the thought of taking three weeks for the rest of Part One. So there’s no going back, is there? I stacked my reward books in a pile on my desk, the Guernsey Potato book, and Billy Collins’ latest, as well as five travelogues. (And my ears are straining for the library’s phone call, to say that the ten ordered books are in…) Between promised books and coffee and sheer bullheadedness, I should get this thing written. It won’t be pretty. But hey—that’s what revision is for.—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/25/09 |
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| what if my insanity ISN’T temporary? |
Her only asset was her momentum—but that she had in abundance, and she let it determine her career.—K.P. Bath, The Secret of Castle Cant I was restless yesterday. Verrry restless. Is it because the weather is considering warmth again? And our maple tree is about to explode with buds? (I dearly love the little helicopter seeds it will eventually shed…) Is it because I haven’t been on a road trip in who-knows-how-long and need to see New Places again? Whatever’s happening, it brews a deep-down itch in me that is difficult to reach. Slightly assuaged by getting blonde highlights (hooray!), ordering ten books from the library (I don’t have time to read any of them), and running around in 30 degree weather with short sleeves (reminding me of college day madness). But I finally got a grip and escorted myself to my writing desk and took a hard look at everything. All my plans for the draftwork, all the scenes I’ve listed, the progress I’ve made since February 1 (24,500 words). And then I quietly lost my mind, and made a very ridiculous decision. |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/24/09 |
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| in which: i am alive, well, and killing my characters. |
I’m not a mass murderer, I’m a writer!—Cornelia Funke, Inkheart, of course! Well, then. Here I am at last—more technical difficulties yesterday… actually, if you knew me, you’d realize it’s a small miracle that I don’t have more technical difficulties than I already do. (I get lost dealing with my sister’s iPod. Yes. Really.) So after my brief skirmish with stomach flu, and a rotten writing week (last week, no energy, very few words), I rounded the corner into Monday. Cleared my schedule, just to focus on writing, to get back on track… and it was terrible. Not a good thought in my head. (Note to self: when you make all your characters smile and laugh and turn slowly and you bloat their speech with adverbs? You’re stalling. And you don’t know what the scene is about.) |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/20/09 |
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| miss langefeld regrets |
Dear Blog, I wrote something for you today. I was witty and funny and exuberant, and everything a blogger is supposed to be. (Maybe. It seemed that way. But was it just the coffee singing? Probable. Likely. ... Yes.) And then the Internet connection failed, just after I clicked the… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/18/09 |
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| on not exactly seizing the day |
I can’t say I was ever lost, but I was bewildered once for three days.—Daniel Boone There’s a little bell going off in my brain, saying “Time to post again, Langefeld,” but I’m afraid I have nothing very interesting to say. (Or, if I do, no energy with which to… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/11/09 |
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| by the way |
I know most of you didn’t listen to me and read Inkheart. Go do that. Right now. It’s a perfect way to spend a weekend.—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/05/09 |
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| five things |
Five things to be grateful for, at this exact moment: 1. French press coffee, and the smell of it wafting through the house. 2. My Christmas slippers. Still fuzzy. Still cozy. 3. I still love waking up surrounded by mosquito netting. 4. ... Annnnd I didn’t wake up for a… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/05/09 |
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| so, what happens when i see my shadow? |
Some mornings, when you get up, the day is so narrow you can hardly squeeze in.—Charles Schulz I sometimes feel that I have nothing to say and I want to communicate this.—Damien Hirst Well, I’m feeling restless. Perhaps because our glorious snow is wasting away after several days of fifty… |
Jenn Langefeld |
02/02/09 |
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| snow has fallen, snow on snow |
Three cheers, southern Illinois weather. You finally realized that yes, it is winter, and eight inches of snow is entirely appropriate behavior. our front yard this morning, after two nights and a day of winter storms Gosh, I’ve missed this stuff!—jl |
Jenn Langefeld |
01/29/09 |
1 |
01/31/09 |