Tuesday, May 16, 2006

on not panicking

So, does the gap in posts say anything? Whoops. Jenn’s a little swamped…

The last classes, last papers, last concerts, last banquets, hey--even the last weight-lifting session… they’ve come and gone! And I’m facing just three black and white boxes on the calendar until Graduation Day. I like that it’s called Commencement--keeps me from thinking that it’s just about ending. There are beginnings here as well…

Fasten your seatbelts.

This week is crammed (and I do mean that) with final get-togethers. Coffee with a few girls, brunch with another, then dessert elsewhere, and can we squeeze in a lunch with someone else the next day? Then between final errands, welcoming my family, seeing Laura just off the plane from Spain, there needs to be a couple more coffee outings, and I should stop by to see someone else, and oh, there’s that dinner…

Overwhelming? Maybe? But so necessary. We’ve been a team for four years, some of us. Others I’ve met late in the game, but we’ve become so close. I could go on and on, but it would sound trite. But you understand. We’re swapping email addresses, cell phone numbers, and promising letters (not just email, we’re talking real letters--even mailing books to some).

[Will you think I’m making it up if I say that I just got a phone call and am now meeting someone else for coffee tomorrow morning? Just hung up. Not joking.]

I’m also trying to figure out how to leave gracefully. What do you do? I came here four years ago not really knowing anyone. And here on the other end, I have an army of amazing professors and friends, so many memories and pictures. And papers!! How many pages have I written for these profs (bless them)? I can’t exactly just pack up and go, but what else is there? Any way to say Thank You? I feel like anything I do will fall short. There have been so many blessings here. I’ve grown and changed so much!

I don’t know how much I’ve said over the last months about what I’m doing next. Here’s the official scoop: I’m heading home on Sunday (OH I need to pack!), unpacking and moving in, getting my wisdom teeth out (ow) and then…

I’ll set up a writing life. Really. I’ll be writing (or doing the business of writing) for about six hours each day, as well as working a part-time job at a bookstore. (You can laugh. But really--all those books! How could I pass it up? I would make a terrible waitress, you have no idea.) I am so, so very excited about all this that I get speechless. It reduces me to saying things like “so, so very excited” when it really feels like my face is going to split.

I’m also scared out of my mind. It sounds like skydiving to me… because I could go into publishing and all the security of a real, forty-hour work week. But instead, I’m going to see where this takes me. I’ve had so much encouragement lately--it’s been helpful in battling all those insecurities I have. (Yes. I’m very insecure. I’ll just put that out there.) But with prompting and encouragement, I’ve actually had a little success! One of my short stories from fiction class actually won a contest, so that helps calm me down a little.

Anyway, in a few weeks, I’ll be learning what it means to be a writer. Testing the waters to see--for fifteen months--if it’s truly what I’m supposed to do. If you think of it, do pray for me! Above all, I want to follow God on this.

So, back to St. Louis! Eight hours from this amazing place that has meant so much to me. But, I’m already planning to come back in November. I heard that CTC is putting on Sense and Sensibility. Sounds like the ideal opportunity for a Calvin pilgrimage…

As best I know, this is my last post here. Thanks for reading!! It’s been fun to let everyone know what’s been going on here… Thanks for your comments and encouragement. God richly bless you all!!!

--Jenn

Posted by Jenn Langefeld on 05/16 at 04:29 PM
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