Monday, August 04, 2008

let’s drink a toast to monday mornings.

So I have this mug that I absolutely adore. I found it at a neat store in St. Louis called English Living. (You’re shocked, of course, that I would even consider going in, anglophile that I am…) There was another mug that said DREAM., but I’ve been dreaming, and there’s something lovely about Monday morning’s coffee in a mug that exhorts you to BEGIN.

I like Mondays more now than I ever did—writing a novel that I love to write is a far cry from an 8 a.m. class. I’d rather warm up my brain while reading a dictionary page (coffee in hand) than most other things.

At the same time, I’m getting the tiniest bit discouraged about how long it takes to write a novel.

It takes a long time.

Patience isn’t my strongest suit.

I’ve been home now for two years and two months. My twenty-fourth birthday (yikes!) is right around the corner. And I have this nagging voice in my head saying: dreams are all well and good, but shouldn’t I be done??? Shouldn’t I be polishing this thing, rather than tearing out whole characters, chapters, subplots? Shouldn’t I have a bit more to show for this?

I’m still convinced that I’m doing what I’m supposed to. The novel has come such a long way since graduation—from an initial question to a 155,000-word tale. And I still think that every day I work is a good day, a learning day, a step forward. As these characters deepen and grow, so does the story. It’s broader and darker and richer now than I ever imagined it. I’m getting used to the lack of fanfare in a writing life, used to the weirdness of those “hey-here’s-what-I-do” conversations. I’m even starting to figure out how I work and what kind of writer I want to be. (A paid one, ha ha ha.)

But Mondays pile onto Mondays, friends are getting master’s degrees and promotions and certifications, and I am still, still, still, still revising. Disappointment sharpens its claws.

Will I ever finish?

Which is why some Mondays I need my BEGIN mug. It takes a bit of courage to flick on the computer and pull up the ever-evolving draft; it takes courage to realize that life doesn’t follow my time tables, that I’m not as speedy or brilliant a writer as I wish I were. That good things can take long, quiet years.

So, here’s to courage, to fight whatever seizes you on Monday mornings, to battling the dreads and doubts that resurface. Here’s to the dreams that you have to chase for a long time: Let’s dive back in. I will if you will.—jl

Posted by Jenn Langefeld on 08/04 at 07:04 PM
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