Friday, December 09, 2005

just before the last class of the last day

I’m trying to be appropriately melancholy about the end of classes this semester… I truly will miss my profs, my classmates. Some of the work.

But for the most part, I’m very excited about time off! Snoozing at home by the fireplace, Christmas services with my family, rolling out Christmas cookies… And even next week—exam week—feels vaguely festive. I’ll be packing and studying, wrapping up the last of the last.

Oddly, I’m not very stressed. I just finished up a paper for a class, and I experienced a record-setting ZERO on the stressmeter. My friends and I have been comparing emotional notes… I’m not unmotivated, or even burnt out… just not worried. It’s a nice change.

I think it’s partly because my hardest semester tasks are already done: the honors thesis (fondly nicknamed “the beast”) and the work to set up my internship. My thesis is back, safe and sound, accompanied by two of the kindest, most encouraging letters I’ve ever received from my professors. Really. And because I know that they don’t have to make stuff up when writing—that if the work was bad, they would say so—it forces me to take myself seriously. In other words, this whole writing enterprise? I’m now committed.

So, in Calvin-lingo, I’ve found my vocation, which is a truly amazing gift. And I’m darn lucky, at twenty-one, to know what it looks like. I’ve flirted with the idea of writing through high school… well, even before that. Scribbling stories about goofy characters and circumstances through grade school. But the upper-level writing classes here have forced me to work harder, to listen to criticism, and to really push to become better. And I know I’ve improved. But I think I’ve always felt that writing would be secondary, and now… more than ever, I feel like God’s saying: No, it will be primary. My primary task.

That was Tuesday, and I’ve been feeling unshakably cheerful since.

And yesterday was the Messiah sing-along in chapel. Oh, I loved it. (It’s not every day that I get to sing with a live orchestra.) My roommate joined me as an honorary alto (she has a slight cold, which demotes her from soprano status), and we had a blast. On my other side was a lady who had obviously sung Messiah before—had her own score and everything. She was also very gracious: didn’t elbow me once, even though I hit the wrong notes half the time. Anyway, it was festive and beautiful and inspiring.

So time for me to run—off to my last lab (ever!), to learn about benthic communities and deep sea fishes. (Deep sea is the craziest—my favorite.) And tonight? A celebration! My roommates and I are going to see Narnia… I can’t wait!—jl

Posted by Jenn Langefeld on 12/09 at 02:33 PM
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