Monday, January 16, 2006

Transforming Boys into Men: Coaches, Athletes, Fathers and Love

by Julie Walton, Calvin College

Last week, former pro football player Joe Ehrmann visited our campus to speak to coaches, athletes, fathers and sons.  Joe’s story is compellingly told in Jeffrey Marx’ book, “Season of Life:  A football star, a boy, a journey to manhood.”  (for more information, see Season of Life by Jeffrey Marx.

Joe, pastor of a large congregation, also coaches high school football in Maryland.  His prevailing philosophy is that our boys no longer have men to teach them what it means to be a man, and that sport is the perfect vehicle for those lessons.  Joe wants coaches to step in and step up, to mentor children, boys especially, in how to live relationally in ways that show them that life is not about winning, conquest or self-aggrandizement, but about serving others.

Joe encouraged the men in the audience (there were very few of us ladies present) to teach boys to respect their elders, women, and each other.  The main point seemed to be that the athletes’ job was to love their coaches and their teammates, and that the coaches’ job was to love the athletes right back.  There were sobering statistics about the lives of our young men:  absent fathers, single-parent homes, fewer and fewer male role models of substance and integrity, more young men imprisoned in the U.S. than in any other industrialized nation.  Yet, while there was nothing inherently wrong with Joe’s approach, I found myself uncomfortable on several fronts.

First, there is no reliable, empirical data to confirm that sport participation builds character, leadership potential, virtue, civic engagement or all-around good kids.  Second, Joe’s encouragement to coaches, while appropriate, timely and necessary, faltered in its intent (I think) to adequately confront disengaged or absent fathers.  Sport and coaching is a critical piece in a child’s life- no less so than that of a teacher or pastor.  But, it cannot, nor should it supplant God-given parenting responsibilities.  Third, while I understand the need to discuss ways our boys perceive and reach “manhood”, the focus on boys was myopic in its exclusivity.  All of our young people receive mixed messages from the culture, their parents, and even the church on a host of body, sport, and personal value issues that must be examined carefully in both genders and, for Christians, in light of a sinful world that we are called to redeem.  It should be a coach’s job to affirm and train his athletes in any sport, any arena no matter the athlete’s gender.

Of course, the even bigger debate comes when assessing Joe’s techniques for teaching these boys about love without overtly introducing them to Jesus Christ, the very foundation for such boundless and non-judgmental love.  Make no mistake, Joe’s work is necessary, stimulating, and commendable, filling us with hope that a boy without a father, even a boy who does not know his heavenly Father can grow to be a man of integrity and love.  But, somehow, there was an alarming disconnect in Joe’s approach between the Father’s love for us, and our ability to be godly parents and coaches.

What do you think about coaching and Christian formation?  What about coaches in public school settings where God and the Gospel are not welcome?  Can we teach these values, these morals, these virtues to a dark and lonely world without the Light of heaven?  Have you read Marx’ book?  I’d like to hear your ideas.

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