Thursday, December 08, 2005
The almost, kind of creation of a black hole
They’ve done it again. They kind of made a fake replica of almost an amazing invention. But they didn’t, and they are not sure why. In fact these scientists are dumbfounded(F) at what it is that they did do. One theoretical physicist claims that their intentional collisions of gold nuclei have even been creating a minuscule black hole that lasts less than 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th of a second. Pretty amazing right? A black hole, that is not really a black hole, but that seems somewhat similar to what we think is a black hole. Hmm…Why is it that these physicists are making the big bucks?
Dr. Nastase restores our hope in physics by explaining that “The reason it acts like a black hole is because it eats up stuff and it only gives out radiation.”(R) Oh, so it acts like a black hole as it eats up stuff. Very credible-very scientific, doctor. That makes it very clear. You might be creating a black hole that eats up all stuff, but you don’t really know. I guess we will know that you have figured it out if we get sucked up by it.(U)
Should you create this black hole, and find a way to control it, I would like to be first in line to deposit unwanted items. To start things off with a bang, I will drop in all the cottonballs on earth. That’s right, cottonballs. They make me cringe. Having to hold one in my hand, and feeling it rub on my skin is an unnecessary evil.
Next will be any remaining pairs of Culottes(F). These shorts slash skirts have just got to go. They say that fashion repeats itself. Without eliminating all of them, we might risk them coming back again in 20 years.
Kabam! I just experienced a moment of insight. Sure culottes and cottonballs have to go, but if we can really choose what to put in this hole, perhaps I should consider something that would benefit all of humanity. (Although I am sure that the next generation would thank me for eliminating the likely rebirth of Culottes.(E)) Perhaps we should say sianara to something like war or cancer. Or if thoughts could be thrown in, I would toss in pride and prejudice (not the movie).
Wow. A controllable black hole like this could make amazing improvements to our quality of life. Ridding the world of the aforementioned injustices would surely bring about a Utopian society.
My last suggestion for an item that must be depleted is something that has prevented Americans from achieving their goals for generations. It has lowered confidence, started wars, and threatened the lives of pigs. You know it. You fear it. We all have it to some degree. You guessed it. Love handles.(R) Chuck(F) ‘em in. No need to kiss them goodbye. They will not be missed; not even by the sumo wrestlers.(F) (I might toss a few of that breed in too!)
So, doctor, should you ever truly construct a controllable black hole, you will want to give me a call. As a fine upstanding citizen, worthy of representing the wishes of humanity, my well thought uses for this hole would not be contested.