Friday, April 29, 2005
Saying good-bye
I’ve never been very good at saying good-bye. I hate it. I guess I always think, what if something happens, and I’ll never see them again, or what if it is a long time before I see that person again. This is something that my mom and grandmother passed down to me. I guess it could be because we’ve had the incident in our family of saying good-bye to someone and then not seeing them again, too often. This happened with the death of my brother and my grandfather. Things happen fast, too fast.
Whenever someone leaves in my family, whether it is going to the grocery store, or away for the weekend, we always say good-bye, and often give each other a hug. Also, when ever someone leaves in their car, we look out our kitchen window and give each other the sideways peace sign with our fingers. Weird, you may say, but yup, my family is weird, it’s not the first time I’ve figured this out. That is what happens when you’ve been through some tough times in your life. You learn to appreciate each other, and worry way too much. My mom is a little over protective, but after losing a kid, I don’t blame her at all. She does not like me walking back to my dorm from the parking lot alone. Okay, whatever. It’s okay, I know she worries about me, and it makes me feel kind of good.
Leaving for college was terrible! I was a wreck. I didn’t like the thought of things changing. I liked how my life was. I was so comfortable with everything that was going on around me. It made me sick to think that from then on, everything would be different. I would never go back to living in that house permanently. When my parents dropped me off, after saying good-bye to all my siblings, I felt sick.
I didn’t like saying good-bye to my friends when we all left for college either. I knew that I would see them all again, it wasn’t that I was worried about that, it was just the fact that I knew I was going to miss them so much. I was also worried that things may change, and that I wasn’t going to feel as close to them as I did, either because they would meet new and better people, or I would. Those relationships may never be the same.
Now, when I leave here to go home, I’m not going to like it either. Even though I haven’t known these people as long as I’ve known the people at home, it will still be hard because I’ve spent a whole year with them within a radius of the Calvin Campus. What it all comes down to, is, I hate saying good-bye.