Editorial: Swedish fish

Swedish Fish

Swedish Fish are a brand of candies. They are not produced by Swedes, nor do they contain fish or fish byproducts.

They contain primarily sugar, invert sugar (like antimatter sugar) and corn syrup, leaving the mystery of their bizarre taste squarely in the realm of “artificial flavors.” Given that Swedish Fish taste like no flavor ever known in nature or imagined in the darkest dreams of the maddest “food scientist,” it can only be concluded that Swedish Fish are not of this world.

There is not currently any proven correlation between Swedish Fish and supernatural activity.

While speculation as to the precise origin or ultimate motives of Swedish Fish is, of course, forbidden, readers are encouraged to enjoy the remainder of their lifespan.

Swedish Fish are especially good with savory foods like chips or popcorn and a movie.


About the Author

Joseph Matheson

Joseph Matheson is the Chimes print editor for the 2013-14 school year. Joseph Matheson is a senior, majoring in biology and philosophy, and is also president of the chess club. He’s 6’1″, has phenomenal music taste and rarely feels any emotion besides sleepiness. He consumes bananas by the bushel, once biked 30 miles for a sandwich and suspects that there is something supernatural about Swedish Fish. Biggest fears: children, old people, eyeball cancer.

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